"All music comes from God."

Lord, may You always remind me.
Do not let me live a moment of life without conviction.

Every time when I have a criticizing attitude
Remind me the countless times when I had failed and made a mess
And yet I was forgiven by hearts that are bigger than mine.

Every time I find it too hard to forgive
Remind me all those big and small instances
Where You have shown me grace that I was too in awe to receive.

Every time I feel like I am the center of the universe
Remind me how every bit of love I get
I do not deserve.
Remind me I am loved by the kind ones not because I have treasures to share
But because I have none.

Every time when I am so disgustingly proud
Remind me I am nothing
Utterly nothing.
A piece of dust so insignificant that I evaporate in the world unnoticed
If not for all that You have put in my life.

Every time I shamelessly pride myself in the talents I am able to offer
Remind me what wonder it is that You
Bestow upon such an inadequate and unworthy person
Talents that You could have given to someone else just as easily.

Every time I am approached by criticisms
Let me be humble
Let me be open
For in this age,
Honest words are few and precious
Let me treat the criticisms like precious gems.

Every time I envy someone
Remind me to say a little prayer of blessing for the person I envy
Let me realize he deserves everything he has
And everything I need I do not lack
Everything good for me I already have.

Every time I am quick to anger
Remind me the fruits of the spirit
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
Goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Help me use them to win the battle against the sinful nature of the flesh.

Every time I have a hard time saying:
“Will you forgive me?”
Let me be repentant to the extent that I cannot hold those words behind my tongue.

Every time I become self-righteous
Remind me with a mirror
Confront me with my ugly side and do not let me hide from it.

Every time I become unmotivated
Propel me like the motor propels the boat that goes against the current
Do not let me slide off
Do not let me stand still
Do not let me lose focus of Your calling in my life.

Every time I become indifferent
Help me realize how much I am hurting those I love the most.

Every time I stand on the edge of my comfort zone
Getting ready to step out
May I not be afraid
May I not be hesitant
For my path does not belong to me
You have led me
And will lead me
To future roads as bright as those before
Move me forward.
Let me be courageous.

Lord,
Let me be broken
Let me be humble
Let me be teachable
Let me be moldable.

May You always remind me.
Do not let me live a moment of life without conviction.

Let this be my prayer tonight.

Let this be my prayer
Every hour of my life.

ha… life is such a cycle… having a bit of complicated feelings tonight…

I remember when I first came back from WI to Boston last year, the first few months I felt that time was going by sooooo slowly… and I couldn’t wait to move forward! But then it suddenly speeded up. I don’t even remember when… maybe it was when I started applying to grad school in November. Yeah probably. Time suddenly speeded up so uncontrollably that all of a sudden it’s mid-April 2010, and I have slightly over 3 months left in Boston…

Somehow. It’s so difficult to part with friends here… Doesn’t matter if it’s the first time, or the second time, or the third time, or the N-th time. Isn’t that crazy? I thought (and kept convincing myself that) my feelings will become milder and milder each time, but the truth is, it actually intensifies each time… Last time when I had to say goodbyes, I didn’t even start counting down three months in advance like I do this time… -___-“”” I know…

I think I really enjoy the company of my Boston friends. It’s funny I enjoy you guys’ company so much that even if we are just sitting together doing our own separate things, it’s still so nice.. ha.. I wonder when I go to Houston, if I’ll ever meet new friends that I’ll enjoy the company of so much…

I wonder what God has prepared for me next year…

There is an indescribable sense of excitement about moving forward with my career, pursuing higher education in a field where I have found my passion, pursuing something that I know clearly God has called me to do, as well as the excitement about returning home and being able to be by mom’s side and spend significant amount of time with a person that I feel extremely important to me. In spite of all these reasons to be excited about the next stage of life, nonetheless, how am I supposed to say goodbye to this place (that I more or less called home in the past six years of my life) with no difficulty? How am I supposed to say goodbye to all the relationships that I have spent so much time and heart to build at this home?

I wonder who God will lead me to meet next year…

From Sunday worship today:
當我希望滿懷, 道不出最美的期待,
親愛主, 我的主, 求祢傾聽我的心.
求祢聆聽我每一個心跳,
告訴我, 祢甚麼都明瞭.