Filed under: VIII Sometimes I wonder...
平日間中也會經過街口的公園, 但未試過停留. 昨天媽媽無端說想去散步, 於是我提議到那公園盪鞦韆. 平日經過時, 公園都是空空的, 但可能因為昨天是假日, 我和媽媽行到公園竟然發現那裡熱鬧非常. 一大群四五歲的小孩跑來跑去. 若要盪鞦韆還要排隊呢. 於是我和媽媽坐在鞦韆前的長椅上乘涼, 望著幾個幼童在盪鞦韆, 幾個年輕父母在後面推他們. 父母和小孩都樂在其中. 其中一個爸爸手中拿著一個巧克力雪糕筒, 十分像麥當勞賣的那種. 那爸爸拿著雪糕一會也沒有吃一口, 連孩子也沒有. 不久我有點好奇, 於是我跟媽媽說 : “你看, 那雪糕像是不會溶化的.” 媽媽想也不用想便笑說 : “當然吧! 那雪糕筒是假的! 你小時候也有一個, 我也是這樣幫你拿著你的玩具讓你四處奔跑玩耍!” 我也笑了. 都忘記了.
不久, 我又發現, 在鞦韆上坐得最近我們的那個男童, 不斷自言自語. 於是我又跟媽媽說 : “你看那男童幾攪笑, 他不斷說話, 但又不像是跟他身後的媽媽說, 彷彿沈醉在自己的世界入面, 自得其樂. 哈哈.” 媽媽又笑說 : “你小時候也是這樣! 你幼稚園的校車司機以前成日告訴我, 我們的家是她車程的最後一站, 所以你不時獨個兒在校車內坐著. 雖然獨個兒乘車, 但你永不停口, 總會望著窗子大聲唱歌, 自得其樂. 你的校車司機還經常問你, 長大後是否要開演唱會.” 笑死我… 我多麼善忘, 這我也忘記了.
我和媽媽坐了好一會後, 其中一個小孩終於讓位, 有一個鞦韆空了.
媽媽立刻對我說 : “你快去吧! 難得有位! 再不快快去就被別的小朋友霸了”
“媽媽… 我雖然想玩, 但我已不是小朋友. 跟那群四五歲的小孩爭好似有點難為情.”
“不要緊吧! 你這麼想玩, 現在有位, 千載難逢! 快去快去!”
“不去不去!’
“去吧! 讓媽媽看看你能盪得有多高!”
“……” ^_^;;
“不是要我推你吧!”
“媽媽! 不如你去玩, 我推你!”
我倆擾攘一番後, 終於有第二個鞦韆也空了. 於是我們最後決定一起去! 那公園有四個鞦韆. 我和媽媽坐上去後, 把那兒的平均年齡拉高了好幾倍. 我想大概是 : 四歲, 五歲, 二十五歲, 五十幾歲…
坐上去後, 媽媽好像有點狼狽 : “我忘記了怎樣盪鞦韆.”
“我教你吧! 你看我, 伸腳曲腳, 伸腳曲腳… 你以前教我的!”
“是不是這樣?” 媽媽試著模仿我, 邊學邊做.
“大概是, 但媽媽, 你伸腳時沒有把雙腿合起, 所以你的動作有點像游蛙式那樣… 哈哈.”
“我覺得我盪得很好呢! 這麼多年沒盪過鞦韆, 我竟然還懂! 真捧!” 媽媽沾沾自喜.
星期日的下午, 在鞦韆上, 我和媽媽也找回一點點童真.
今天上完打鼓課後, 回家的車程中聽起這首歌… 記得有一年 SBS Farewell 時我帶詩帶了這首歌. 詩歌中的”你”是指神, 但在 Farewell 時唱, 亦有些少留住朋友, 留住友誼的意味.
留住你
每一次到主跟前，我帶著期望，
只想見到你，我愛與你一起。
你應允你必相隨，你必喜歡我。
你是我最寶貴，你是我的一切。
求更新我的心靈，讓你來藏身裡面，
要倒空，盡掃空，只留給你。
求傾到你的恩情，讓我來藏身裡面，
我渴想，末滿足，願留住你。
多麼想留住好友, 留住童真, 留住時間, 留住許許多多的… 但我們總得向前走.
剛過去的主日, 崇拜開始前, 媽媽忽然眼紅紅的定了神, 我問她甚麼事. 然後她說 : “你看到坐在我們前幾排的那個婆婆嗎?”
我四處望 : “帶著頭飾的那個嗎?”
“是…”
“媽媽, 你認識她?”
“不, 但那個婆婆的背影很像你的外婆.”
我輕輕的拍拍媽媽. 她臉上掛著思念的微笑, 背後彷彿藏著留住了的回憶.
Filed under: V Favorites
Quite like these lyrics… =)
總會碰著暴風加雨水
但我堅持 永不倒下去
天要塌下 就將這被窩 蓋住心碎
總有未完 夢想可以追
讓我單純 投入在生活裏
歡笑眼淚 未改寫信心 愛下去
Filed under: X Life as a Psychologist
媽媽投訴我這半年來沒有寫過一隻字. 我辯護說自己都有間中更新一下個 blog. 她說 post 歌詞不算數. 所以我今天特意來寫一篇文章, 跟大家分享一下我的近況, 順便慶祝一下我 Spring Break 的開始.. haha.. 其實也不算是甚麼文章. 只是一些近照和想法. =)
New Toys
First of all… Proudly present… ‘dun dun dun dun’… :p
Can you tell what this is? lol… It’s a homemade 6-piece drum set made with toilet pumps and cardboard boxes and foam! With a magnetic ‘music stand’ on the wall… :p Excluding the snare drum in the middle, which is an actual practice drum, the whole set costs all of 7 bucks! XP So, I have been taking individual drum lessons with New Heart Music Ministries (http://www.newheartmusic.org) for a few weeks now. My teacher gives me lots of stuff to practice at home every week. I wish I have that electronic drum set I had back in Boston… When I was first taking drum lessons here, I looked online and saw that the price of that set I got in Boston has jumped from $200 to $400+ everywhere I looked… Isn’t that crazy? Yuen loi a beginner electronic drum set like that would 升值…? ha… ^^”
And I would like to bring your attention to the bass drum piece of this set that mom and I worked hard to build… XP Look at the picture below! Originally I just folded the cardboard into staircase shape and stick the rectangular block of styrofoam on top, but mom brilliantly put the soft piece of foam (the dark piece) underneath, so that the pedal actually bounces back when I step on it, so the effect, to a certain extent, is quite similar to a real bass drum pedal! =D
Special thanks to mom who is very supportive of me putting these toilet pumps and cardboard boxes in our living room… :p
AND! Here is another new toy that I got recently that I can’t seem to put down… =D
This is a beginner set with guitar AND AMPLIFIER that I have done a lot of research to choose.. :p My very first guitar I own! =D After borrowing numerous guitars to play with from various friends in the past, I finally got my own! This is a beginner guitar made by Epiphone. I really really like it! =D Although I don’t really know what to do with the buttons on the amplifier, but it still sounds awesome! haha I currently have 3 guitars at home and mom complains there will soon be no space to walk at our little apartment… I better return the other 2 borrowed guitars to friends at church soon!
Church
Recently one of the things that I am quite thankful and excited about is that my church here (predominantly Mandarin) is opening a new Cantonese Sunday worship beginning in April. I believe our church has about 800 regular attendees, of which about 100-200 of them are Cantonese speaking rather than Mandarin speaking. They saw the need of a Cantonese service, so after many meetings, they decided to start a Cantonese Sunday worship. A couple weeks ago, the Cantonese pastor who is in charge of this new Cantonese worship began to recruit music team members, and he asked me if I can be the pianist for one of the music teams. He said there will be a couple music teams rotating between the weeks, and each team will have pianist, guitarist, vocalist, and worship leader. From the way he described it, it almost sounds exactly like the BCEC music teams. It made me quite excited. And maybe in the future, (I was secretly thinking about this in my mind), when I finish my drum lessons I can probably play drums for them! :p Well, they do have a drum set there without a drummer… :p
Conference Presentation in California
And about two weeks ago, I went to LA for the Psycho-Oncology Annual Conference. Originally I wouldn’t have the chance to go, but my adviser (who is pregnant and the baby is expected to come right after this spring break!) was supposed to have a presentation at this conference, but her doctor advised her not to travel during this time, so she asked me to go on her behalf. It was a good experience, and it made me start hunting for all these other conference opportunities after I returned from this trip.. haha.. Last week I submitted three abstracts for a conference in Toronto at the end of the year. Hopefully at least one of them will get accepted and I will get to go on another funded trip! Here are some pictures from the trip… =)
The conference hotel:
Poster session where my labmate had a poster there:
The picture below shows the symposium room where I gave a presentation for my adviser! I took this picture during the morning and was quite freaked out that the room was so huge and there were so many people. But actually my presentation was scheduled as the last event of the day, so by late afternoon, very few people remained. When it was actually my turn to present, I think there were only about 40 people in the room.
I was on the stage getting ready for my presentation… before everyone arrived…
This picture is kind of dark… But I am behind the podium on the left side of the picture in that dark area, if you can see me… I blame my labmate for poor photographic skills… lol… :p
A closer view… I was presenting…
In case you want to hear 20 minutes of boring presentation, I recorded my presentation! :p
Part 1:
Part 2:
My labmate and I also spent some time to tour the city Anaheim (where Disney is) and LA (where Hollywood and Universal Studios are). Here are some pictures…
These trees are everywhere in California!
Disney…
Mickey and Minnie and Goofy
世界真細小小小… 小得真奇妙妙妙…
I love this pic with the little kid staring at the goat with wonder… =)
The castle at night… We spent a whole day in Disney… such an exhausting day…
Hollywood…
Universal Studios…
I think Universal Studios are quite cool, even cooler than Disney. We were on a bus tour where they showed us how they create scenes of cars exploding, plane crashing, sudden and huge floods, etc. It was quite eye-opening.
A crashed 747…
This building in the picture below is a haunted house! This haunted house actually really really really really freaked me. I have never been to a haunted house that scary… Halfway through the walk, I just couldn’t wait to get out and was wondering why the house was so large and we seemed to be walking in there forever… -_-” The main reason why it’s so scary is because they actually had real people hiding in various places inside who jumped out to grab your neck… @@ so, real staff members stood inside all day… in the dark corners of the house… jumped out to scare the innocent people like me… It was quite an experience… @@
The Simpsons ride was pretty much my favorite… They used high-tech visual and motion effects to recreate the sense of being on a roller coaster… I was quite impressed.
The day we visited the Universal Studios was super rainy! So after a while we just walked in the stores to take a break from the pouring rain… And in the stores I saw these super cute Garfields… so, so cute… =)
“It’s impossible to give a hug without getting one back.”
“I prefer lie-downs to sit-ups.”
Academics
Spring break is here, and half the semester has flown by! And a couple months from now, I will be done with my first year of grad school. Time really flies… This semester I am taking four classes. Three of which are quite interesting, except for stats. I am taking an assessment class where I learned to administer official IQ test to people, and achievement tests to assess kids’ academic levels and reading levels, etc., and personality tests for psychiatric diagnosis. I am also taking a treatment class where the professor shares very interesting and fascinating stories of his past patients that he did therapy with. In this treatment class, we are each given a character with a psychological disorder to act out, and we are supposed to partner up with a classmate and have mock therapy sessions throughout the semester where we try to treat and cure each other, which is actually kind of fun so far. We videotaped the sessions on DVD and meet with the professor individually to get his feedback. The character that I am supposed to act is a war veteran who has developed PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) after returning from the war. And the character I am supposed to treat (i.e., my partner’s character) is a teenager diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa (厭食症). The purpose of this exercise is to prepare us to see real patients next year, and that having “hands-on” experience will make us less nervous then. Yesterday I just had my very first one-on-one supervision meeting with the professor, where we watched the DVD together, and he gave feedback as we watched. It was a little bit weird to watch myself on TV, but it was good because he gave a lot of very insightful feedback. At the end of our meeting, he took a large notecard out of his drawer and wrote this on it… He asked me to keep it to remind myself…
He said I say “Mmmm” too much… haha… I didn’t even realize it, but as we were watching the video, even I myself felt that it was quite annoying to hear my “Mmmm” all the time… ^^”
The third class I am taking is a Grantsmanship class, which surprisingly I quite like. The class teaches us how to write NIH (National Institute of Health) grant applications to apply for federal funding for research projects, so we learn how to design and write a competitive research proposal and then submit it to NIH to get money. Out of the many million-dollar grants offered by NIH, one of them is specifically for doctoral students to apply for. It’s a smaller grant, but it will fund a couple years of grad school with a generous stipend. At the end of this class, we are supposed to have a product to submit for this grad student grant from NIH, so it’s quite cool. And the fourth class is just stats. haha…
Interview Weekend
Last weekend was our program’s annual interview weekend where applicants came to interview with the professors in order to get in the program. It’s the tradition that every year the first-year students plan the interview weekend for the prospective students, so our class had meetings to prepare, decorate, coordinate food, meals arrangement, pick-ups of applicants from airport, housing them for the weekend, etc. As I met the applicants and chatted with them, it really dawned on me how just one year ago, I was in their exact same position… It made me felt a bit 感觸…
My classmate decorating the board in conference room to welcome the applicants…
We prepared gift bags with UH stationeries (including a Mickey mouse calendar.. haha.. and Houston magazine, water bottle, note pads, etc.) for the applicants.
A dinner gathering we organized for the applicants… Most professors and many current graduate students also attended to talk to the applicants and answer questions…
Ok, that’s a lot of pictures! Enough of that! :p In revisiting my blog, I found the following entry that I was going to post like a month ago… I don’t know why it ended up in the Draft section and never actually got posted… Perhaps let me share it now… =)
最近在一本舊靈修書中讀到一句自己曾經 highlight 了的句子, 給我一個很好的提醒…
“Do those close to you know that they can fail and do foolish things, yet you will not falter in your love for them? Are others assured that, even when they hurt you, you still love them, holding nothing against them?”
– Experiencing God Day-By-Day by Henry T. Blackaby & Richard Blackaby
一個很發人心省的問題. 是一個愛心的挑戰.
記得前陣子我因為一件小事生媽媽的氣, 事後都覺得自己很小氣. 她說錯了一句說話, 我便馬上覺得自己受傷害, 然後 “hold it against her”… 並沒有愛心去讓她知道我對她的愛並不會因為她說錯的而改變. 希望能慢慢學習這份能大方包容別人的愛. A gracious love… =)
* * * * * *
最近有一天我忽然在想 : 成長, 彷彿是一件悄悄發生的事. 你未必記得從何時起你沒有再玩煮飯仔, 沒有再跟妹妹在家中扮老師和學生… 或從何時起你聽完一個童年時總令你捧腹大笑的笑話時, 再不覺得好笑, 因為你已經長大了… 你亦未必記得從何時起的有一天, 你忽然跟媽媽眼神接觸的一剎那, 發現了一種你從未為意的疲倦. 或許是歲月的痕跡吧.
這些轉變的發生, 都未必有明確的時間作記號, 但你卻知道, 每個也是轉捩點. 而每個轉捩點過後, 我們也不知不覺間成長了一點點. 成長, 就是這樣在悄悄間到訪, 無聲無色的留個淡淡的記號, 然後又在悄悄間離去.
前陣子看了一部電影名叫 “歲月神偷”. 十分喜歡電影的英文主題曲 “Echoes of the Rainbow.” (See previous entry.) 其實也不太明白歌詞的意思, 但仍是很喜歡. 大概是因為歌曲彷彿帶著一種演繹者對於時間默然流逝的無奈和嘆息. 或許是這份情感喚起我的共鳴吧.
Maybe I have a secret rainbow too…
今天到此為止. 下次再寫!
"All music comes from God." 